When It All Comes Crashing Down

It's one of the most horrible times of your life when your relationship comes to an end.
 
The person that you dated, loved, settled down with, bought a house with, had children with and planned to grow old surrounded by a caring family.  There one minute and in one swift action gone the next.  It could be a gradual breakdown like mine spanning a few years where one moment everything is great and the next you are made to feel unloved and you are treading on eggshells trying to make everything alright again by doing as much as you can in the house to rectify this mystery mood that has settled itself down over your partner or it could be all over in one drunken night where all of a sudden everything comes to a cataclysmic head fuelled by alcohol.

It is sad however it happens but for me I felt confused and angry.  We had carried on living together separated, despite my wife at the time attempting to force me out of the house using an anti-molestation order citing "an unpleasant atmosphere." and regularly leaving me with the children so she could go out all glammed up on the town.  Reading the children a bedtime story knowing that you will not be doing this for much longer only adds to the anxiety and fear, but for now I tried to cover up those thoughts by playing online games against my friends once everyone was asleep.  My children and the pride of my house were the only things that kept me at the house.

After a few months I found a lovely refreshing new partner and at the same time my wife along with the children moved out to live with her mother back in her home town leaving a vacated house that I couldn't afford to own anymore.  I was very luckily offered a bed at my girlfriend's family home.  It was a very kind gesture by them but at the same time to not see the children each day when I finished work, to not kiss them goodnight ensured that I would cry myself to sleep regularly.

At first things between me and my wife seemed amicable.  I gave her a little bit of money that I could spare towards the children and we agreed that once the house was sold then I could pay more.  I saw the kids for a few hours on a Saturday and this helped them understand what was happening.  This carried on for a couple of months before things started to change.

Where I worked I had a company van which I could use at weekends, I also owned my own car.  My wife one evening text me demanding that I give her the car so that she could drive the children about places.  I told her "no" as where she lived she had access to public transport and all the shops were close plus her mum had a car.  I then got threatened with solicitors and that unless I gave her the car then she would stop me seeing the children and take me to the cleaners.  I was very worried as all of this was new to me and I took advice from family and friends, some was useful and some not so.  For the sake of the car I made a deal that if she had the car that I must be able to drive it on Saturdays as my van didn't have enough seats plus I probably wasn't insured to drive the children about in it.

At first it worked but by xmas I began finding out, by chance, via the good old faceless text message service late on a Friday that the car was either broken down or not available.  Ok there are trains, buses and taxis but in the precious time you have with your children you want to make the most of it. 

The best piece of advice during this time I was ever given was from my uncle. 
He told me that "If your children mean so much to you then you do whatever it takes."
It may not have worked with my marriage but when your children are little it is not as if you need the other half to tango.

A frantic search for hire cars on a Saturday morning became the latest game.  The shock on her face was fairly rewarding when she saw me arrive in a brand new car, ok it cost me £25 plus petrol but for the logistics involved in moving my little gang about and enjoying our time together it most certainly paid off.

For now........